You are Always One Decision Away…
One evening about 6 years ago I pulled into my garage and took a deep breath. It was around 6pm, and I knew I was late relieving the nanny. Ugh.
I had finished training about 2 years ago, was busting my butt as a per diem 5 days a week (plus weekend call) at a multispecialty ophthalmology clinic, and my daughter was 1. Earlier that day, the chief at my clinic had suggested that I not bother applying for the new full time position because I "should be focusing on [my] family." The comment made me feel angry, unappreciated, deflated, and guilty all at the same time... 😢
I had spent my lunch break therapy shopping and arrived home tired and emotionally exhausted. Even though I felt guilty for being away all day, I was about to walk into what I lovingly called the "dinnertime-bathtime-bedtime circus," so I sat in my car for an extra 10 minutes in the dark to regroup and dry my tears.
I have replayed and retold this story hundreds of times - to other tired working moms and burnt-out physicians. Because this was the moment I that made a decision. The decision that this was not the life I wanted. The decision that I would no longer rely on others for my happiness. The decision that I would have to make some changes to design a life of my dreams.
It would take me a few months to build up the nerve to actually take action (start a side business and change jobs) and another couple years to realize my updated, upgraded goals (go part time medicine and spend more time with my family)...
But it all began in that single decision...
Does this resonate with anyone? Do you know this feeling? What did you do/are you doing about it?
Feel the Fear and do it anyway
I don't know about you, but this quote resonates with me. It’s exactly how I felt starting medical school , getting married , starting my first job, having kids , starting my business, diving into navigating this pandemic (homeschooling, what)...etc.
Did I always feel 100% prepared? Nope. Was everything perfectly set and ready...? NEVER.
But I had faith I could figure it out. Maybe I had done something kinda similar in the past, or I saw someone else do it and thought to myself, "If he/she can do it, so can I." At the very least, I’m a pretty good learner...
Ultimately, I knew, if I waited until I was 100% ready, I would be waiting the rest of my life...
What are YOU waiting for?
Making a living vs A life worth living
This has been my husband's motto from Day 1.
Back when we were in medical school and studying for exams, he would suddenly sit up and say things like, "Wouldn't it be fun to own a restaurant?" or “How about this for a fun new invention?” What?! Given that we were both poor, in debt students, I would remind him not to quit his day job anytime soon.
"But wouldn't it be FUN?!" he would press.
Fast forward almost 20 years, and I admit, he was on to something. Because it's not just about making a living, but making a life WORTH living. And for us, that indeed includes FUN, love, giving, and the freedoms to make choices in our lives.
Failure. Is. Not. Final.
I don’t often talk about this - but when I took my ophthalmology oral boards after finishing residency, I failed. 😞 For someone who is used to excelling, this was devastating.
After a good cry (or 2, or 10 😢), I realized that how I prepared wasn’t working (I am a very visual person and learner 👀 and the oral boards are not about that at all - in fact the photos they use are notoriously vague. I had to hone my auditory 👂 and speaking skills 🗣), and so I had to ask for help. I had to find study partners to practice with and even took time off of work to attend a review course. Explaining to others why I had to retake the test was not easy and a blow to my ego every time - but I needed the help.
I ended up passing the second time (I had never been so nervous), but the experience was definitely a lesson in perseverance and humility - that failure is not final, and that asking for help is not a sign of weakness but an attempt at growth... 🌱
(and I told myself I would learn this dance 2 months ago... that’s on never giving up... 😂)
“As a medical student, did you have time for anything else?”
To my surprise, premeds (including high school students!) have been hitting up my inbox 📨 to ask for advice and seek encouragement in their medical school journeys. I love it, but it also makes me feel ooooooold 😂)
One of the most common questions revolves around the amount of work and studying that is involved becoming a physician: “Will I have time for anything else?” 👩🏻⚕️
This is what I tell them: Yes, there will be lots of studying 📖 and late nights. 🌙 So you will have to MAKE the time for your extracurriculars and PROTECT your outside interests. ❤️
In high school and as an undergrad, I loved hanging out with my friends and sorority sisters. I was involved in student government and clubs (sports , dance, and cultural). I also loved tutoring and mentoring other students.
But everyone knew I was a premed, and so when it came time to study and/or head home early from a party, they supported (and some even joined) me. 📚
This balance will also be important in medical school and beyond, where it will be so easy to get caught up in work and the rat race (of grades, residencies, promotions, research, etc).
Don’t forget about YOU - your interests and your passions. Because a happy, fulfilled, and well rounded physician is truly the best kind (and honestly what medical schools, residencies, and fellowships are looking for!).